Exams

Hello, readers. The examination period is one of self-destruction for me. Impossibly few hours of sleep, too much food, too little water, agh.

I've been waking up in the wee hours of the morning to study 'cause I'm just way too tired the night before.

However, God's been very good to me so far. For one thing, I haven't fallen sick yet. For another, well, I'll explain it another time.

I keep spelling 'conversation' as 'conservation' and 'talent' as 'latent'. Physics 2 was today, you see.

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.

Kaulah laguku, kau irama terindah

Kau Pergi by Aizat, from the Yasmin Ahmad movie Talentime. GO LISTEN TO IT.

Sepi tanpa kata
Terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau kulupa
Apa pun kata mereka
Biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia
Hujan lebat mencurah kini
Bagaikan tiada henti
Kaulah laguku, kau irama terindah
Tak lagi kudengari

I'm tabbing the guitar parts after the finals and prefects camp. It's a reallyreally pretty song. First heard it when my dad showed us this clip as a tribute to Yasmin Ahmad; the song was really fitting. Why did I not listen to it again sooner?

In other news! Joey, Jacie and Hidayah all cut their hair. Short, I mean. I did the same thing right after my PMR, ahaha. However, the sudden influx of girls with short hair makes me not want to cut mine before prefects camp as I originally intended to. I'm still going ahead with it, though. Long hair takes an insanely long amount of time to dry in Fraser's Hill. Choo Hong's cutting her hair short too, so I won't be alone with my new short hair. :D

I'm gonna miss my current hair length a lot, it's nice when I let it down. It'll be nice to have short hair again, though.

Enough. Back to Physics/Sejarah. I can't take Chemistry anymore.

Come Home

I'm kind of in love with Come Home by Onerepublic and Sara Bareilles. It's a really pretty song, I think, even if Ryan Tedder and Sara Bareilles' voices don't harmonise very well.

Right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
And the fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home

What would be even better is an acoustic, stripped-down version of the song. I mean, it's pretty stripped-down as it is, but imagining the two of them sitting together on a stage with just Ryan on guitar is just love.

I don't know what it is with me and mellow songs lately. Maybe I need more calm in my life.

Darn fireworks

Studying right now is pret-ty annoying.

Bicarbonate ions -- BOOM -- combine with hydrogen -- BOOM -- ions to form -- BOOM -- carbonic -- bark bark bark! -- acid in the -- BOOM -- red -- barkbarkbark! -- blood cells.

Pugsy really doesn't like them Deepavali fireworks.

Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go

I'll be on hiatus from tomorrow till after the finals. Normally, I'm not this nerdy, but it hit me a while ago how much there is to cover. The whole cramming thing I have sworn by since, well, primary school, probably, is not gonna work this time. Besides, the lack of sleep made me fall sick all the time, and I certainly don't want to fall sick more than I already do.

Also, I am trying to prove to myself that I do in fact have some self-control. I need to do well in these finals.

ON TO NON-EXAM-RELATED THINGS.

A friend of mine started laughing at and teasing me a while back 'cause I've been talking to Hwa Hong a lot. I just looked at him and asked what was wrong with it. What I didn't say is that Hwa Hong is probably a million times more mature than he is. I will talk to anyone I like, thankyouverymuch. Assuming they want to talk to me too, anyway.

Sometimes my friends are just...ugh, I don't know. They just don't get things.

Went for Khairul's open house today. Omigosh, the rendang was goooooooood. Really.

That's all I have to say, really. Hopefully, I'll start blogging better when I get back.

See you, everyone.

Eh

I wish you would stop saying you're sorry and tell me what it is you think you did wrong. I'm not exactly sure if you're being sorry about the right thing, although you probably are.

Life on the moon

Sometimes I feel so far away from everybody. It's like, there are people there, but I don't want them. I really want to talk to someone, but not to them. It's just weird. Most of the time I end up telling myself to deal with it and staring into space, just thinking. Getting weird looks.

This mostly happens in school. I don't... Ah. I'm in a funny mood.

I should go study. Ha.

Life on the moon, could it be any stranger?
Life on the moon wouldn't feel this far away
The life that I knew, it's through
And I'm gonna need you more than ever
I'm alone in this crowded room
It's like life on the moon

'Getting lost in my own atmosphere'? I do that all the time.

I'm glad I've found people who understand, though. Janie, Enwiico, Herman, Sara -- you are all amazing. Thankyou. (:

It's part of me indefinitely

I don't think I could ever being myself to delete this blog. It means a lot to me, and it's pretty much actually grown to be a part of me. This is where I spew it all (with limitations, of course), this is where I seek advice and consolation and such. It's been with me since Form One, and, just...no.

I am not going to delete this blog. Ever.

Penilaian Menengah Rendah

I remember, last year, it was October 13th to 17th. We started off with...BM, probably, and our last paper was Geografi. The first day, we were all just sitting around the basketball court, trying to cram the last bits of Komsas in before the paper. In all honesty, it was rather weird. I mean, this was it, the actual PMR -- this was it. So why weren't we freaking out?

We were told to gather at the gym after a bit, and, well... That was when we started freaking out.

For Sastera that year, my tuition teacher told me they'd asked everything in past years except for sinopsis and plot. Obediently, I'd memorised -- memorised! -- both sinopsis and plot for all three novels. How accomplished I felt, how ready. Luckily for me, Phoebe was studying her latar tempat right before, going on and on about Sekolah Bandar Tun Razak (2), Hospital King's College, stuff like that. So into the exam hall I trotted, feeling so wonderfully prepared, and what did I see the minute I got my paper two and turned to the back?

Latar tempat. *facepalm*

Seriously, thank God for Phoebe. If it weren't for her, I'd have had no idea how to answer that question.

I remember I was the second row from the back, right in front of Iis. A copy of my examination slip was glued to my nice, blue, free of scribbles table. I remember looking at all the columns in front of me, looking at my friends, my classmates, all lined up neatly. The air in the Dewan Bakti was so still, pin-drop quiet. I couldn't remember the last time we were all so tense.

They passed out the papers, and I remember being so intimidated by our booklet answer sheets for paper two. I remember trying to write really neatly at first, but giving up after a bit because I felt I was wasting time.

Right after our first couple of papers, it finally hit us that PMR was just another exam. I mean, after so damn many tests, exams, trials, and cerna minda-s, what was the PMR? That was probably when we all relaxed a little bit. It didn't help the air of the examination hall very much, though.

Sejarah my year was really easy. (: My sister went through my paper and said I got almost all the questions right.

GEOGRAFI, ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS NOT. EFF EVERYONE WHO SAID IT WAS. Right after (it was the last paper, too), my friends pounced on my paper and started screaming that every other answer was wrong. If they wanted to see me cry, they could've just said so, I felt a lot like it, anyway.

I'm trying to say this in the least bitchy way possible, but I think it's ironic that the friend who kept saying how easy Geo was got a B for it.

Anyway!

Word is, they use the same KH paper every year. I don't know how far it's true, but KH was easy.

I'm not going to bother to say anything about Math, Science, or English, because I liked those subjects, and they weren't a problem for me.

Last night, I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up every hour, on the hour, for whatever ridiculous reason. Tossing and turning in bed, I couldn't help but think how much it felt like Form Three again, not being able to sleep. The lightheadedness and tiredness the next morning were familiar as well. I'm thinking I'm super-sensitive or something, 'cause I found out my sister went through the same thing last night as well.

Maybe sleep just doesn't like me. Whatever.

Good luck to all the PMR candidates out there! Eat well, sleep well, and keep your head.

Because, right now, it's the only thing you people can do. ;D

(:

Guess what, guess what?

I'm going to start a new blog. Next year, probably. I've got the URL in mind, and a bit of the layout as well. Working on it during the school hols, when I have the time.

This new blog will have some semblance of order, as far as the tags are concerned. I'll make them accessible too.

I won't be deleting this one, though. This blog is a pretty big part of me, and it's not something that I want gone. I've always hated abandoned blogs, but my last post will be the URL of my new blog, so it'll be more like coming to the end of one chapter and then moving on to the next.

A new chapter, a new beginning.

Man, I'm excited already.

Ulang kaji

My sister's been studying and studying and studying, and I feel so bad. I should start studying too, there's less than a month left to exams.

I keep telling myself that, but I'm such a lazy little twit.

PMR in three days, yo.

I keep thinking of/spelling 'conversation' as 'conservation'. I think it's because we did a bit of the Principle of Conservation of Momentum in Physics tuition.

Total momentum before collision = total momentum after collision.

Argh, I should be studying Chem, my Chemistry marks are usually epic fail. Sejarah too.

I'ma stop crapping now. Goodbye.

Did you feel it?

TheJanomaly: Earthquake in Sumetera, Indonesia; 8.9 on the Richter scale. Who else felt the tremours?
(Yeah, I just realised the spelling mistake in 'Sumatra'. And 'tremors'. My followers must be digusted with me, ha.)

Journal entry:
I have no idea wtf just happened, but we felt tremors during BM tuition. It was a really weird sensation; at first I thought someone was shaking the floor, but that sounded ridiculous, so I figured it was the table that was being shaken.

"Who's shaking that table?" Sara and I asked, at the same time. Nobody was. I suppose that was when we all figured out what was actually happening.

All I could think about was the poor Filipinos/Vietnamese, but Mummy told me later that they're too far away for us to feel anything, and it must've been an earthquake somewhere near us, maybe Indonesia. (Edit: Silly of me to have thought that, really.)

I read in the papers today that so far, over 30 Vietnamese are dead. It's probably risen by now, the death toll. In the Philippines too.

So, what, it's the Philippines, Vietnam, and Indonesia too? I know we're not supposed to ask this, but why, God? ;___;

Philippines and Vietnam, imagine the poor kids over there. Kids should be worrying about getting their toys from too-high-to-reach places and evading naptimes rather than getting to too-high-to-reach places in order to evade death.

As we sat there just experiencing the tremors, I thought, God, please help these people. It was over in under ten minutes, and it happened at six-something p.m. I wonder what actually happened. ):


Typhoon Ondoy/Ketsana in the Philippines.
Typhoon Ondoy/Ketsana in Vietnam.
An earthquake and a series of tsunamis in Samoa.
An earthquake in Sumatra.

It's like God's mad at us or something. ;_;

I'd ask what next, but I really don't want to know.

Typhoon Peping

I hear Ondoy is heading for Vietnam now. They're making all sorts of preparations and evacuating people -- it's good to hear that they're getting their stuff in order before it hits.

But you know what? Typhoon Peping's heading for the Philippines now, hitting in about two days' time. Already, the death toll's almost 250. Haven't they had enough?

Reuters.

God, make it stop. Please make it stop. ;_;

#7 - Whatever tickles my fancy

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

How many of you know about the typhoon in the Philippines? Typhoon Ondoy?

I found out about this on, well, Facebook (so it isn't good-for-nothing after all!). One of my friends in the Philippines posted a Note about it -- the rain, the atmosphere, the desperation -- and I nearly cried reading it. She actually cried writing it. To know that so many people over there are going through that and feeling those feelings is just...really painful.

Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul. Never has there been a more appropriate time for that saying. For those who don't know Malay (i.e. REETUH), literally translated, it means 'as heavy as it is for the eyes to behold, it is even heavier for the shoulders bearing it'. Or something like that.

There are pictures. There are all sorts of pictures, and they are awful.

http://ohnvm.livejournal.com/71562.html

Those are the worst I've seen. Look at the first one -- at first I thought he might be dead.

Speaking of dead:
Summary of Affected Population
DEAD: 73
MISSING: 23
INJURED: 4
(Taken from Winwab.com)

But, no, it's risen. This, from Yahoo, is, I think, the latest:
Teodoro launched the appeal as he announced the death toll had climbed sharply to 140 people, with another 32 missing and 453,000 forced out of their flooded or destroyed homes.

One of my friends has been stuck in her grandmother's house since Saturday, when she went over there for her piano class. Her parents were stuck at their workplaces for a while, but I think she said they called her from the house later. The road back to her house is flooded, she says, and she can't get back home -- her parents must've made it before the road got really bad. I'm just really glad that the piano class was at her grandmother's house instead of, say, a music center. There wouldn't be food nor water there, and at least she's staying with her grandmother.

It's just... I've always heard about these kinds of things, but they've never seemed this real. Don't I feel like a right prick for being bored online while people there are struggling to survive. Some of them not succeeding, too.

I talked to my parents about donating, but my mother's 'cynical about these kinds of things'. She says she found out that in another donation to cancer patients, all of 30% gets through to them, after everybody takes their cut of the money. In the tsunami donation, apparently a lot of people siphoned off some money, so that the actual amount that reached the victims was considerably smaller than what was donated. What kind of fucking selfish bitch actually steals money from these people, people who need the money so much more than they do?!

I went to the Philippines National Red Cross website, but they want donations in installments -- weekly, monthly, and annually. It's not a one-off thing, which I don't like. It's not like I can do anything anyway, since I don't have a credit card.

However, those of you who do (Paypal works as well, I think), if you'd like to donate, please go to the Philippine National Red Cross or Philippineaid.com. These people are stranded in various places, and everything is running out -- food, water, clothes, space, time. Anyone who can, please please donate. A little really does go a long way sometimes.

I probably won't sleep very well tonight. The picture of the child covered in mud, hanging limply in the arms of his rescuer haunts me even when my eyes are open.

#6 - A quote

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

God knows I'm not very devout (see the double meaning?), but there's this part of the Bible I came across a little while ago that I love to bits. I remember reading it when I was really little in Sunday school, and now I've found it again. Let's Talk About Love.

1 CORINTHIANS CHAPTER 13 (excerpt)

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

There are three things that will endure -- faith, hope, and love -- and the greatest of these is love.

Sounds amazing, doesn't it? Too bad we humans have to go ruin it. (': I love my family and friends and all, but not quite in that way; but that is God's definition of love, and what I feel doesn't seem to measure up to that. So what is it that I'm feeling?

Although, maybe I'm being an idiot, mixing love up with myself. Now that I think about it, there are people who I'm genuinely happy for when good things happen to them. Because I love them. Ah, well.

I love youuu! <3

P.S. Let's Talk About Love is a song by David Archuleta. It's kind of sing-songy and fluffy, but the title seemed fitting.